Have you ever been part of a team where another team member’s reaction made you feel like the problem, not the situation? Where they jumped in and undermined you, or asked you a question with a tone that made you feel stupid for even raising it?

If you have, you’re not alone. Most of us have experienced this at some point – and it doesn’t just happen at work. It shows up in families, friendship groups, and relationships too. And when it does? We sometimes feel hurt and often dismissed. We start to wonder whether that person really has our best interests at heart. Whether it’s safe to be ourselves around them, to take risks, to speak up. So we pull back. We go into protective mode and trust them a little less.

In my work with teams, one of the activities I run is to ask the group: “What do you need from the people in this group to trust them?” And then “What do you need to feel safe with them?”

The answers are always honest:

• Actually listen to me
• Don’t make me feel stupid for speaking up
• Don’t undermine me in front of others
• Don’t judge me when I get something wrong.
• Make me feel like I belong here.

Every time, without fail, the list is full of very human needs. And almost every single one of them is asking for the same thing – for their team members to pay attention to how they’re showing up for them. I call this other-awareness: the practice of pausing to consider how your words, reactions, and behaviour affect the people around you.

Other-awareness makes you feel seen, valued, respected, and appreciated. It makes you feel like someone cares for you and is in your corner. It invites you to trust them. And in teams, it creates the conditions for collaboration, unity, and trust across the whole group.

I believe other-awareness is the antidote to the conflict and misunderstandings that quietly erode relationships and teams – so much of which comes from assumption. We assume we know how someone is feeling, what they meant, or how they received us. We forget to consider what it might actually be like to be them right now, in this moment, carrying whatever they are carrying.

So how do you bring more other-awareness into your day and into your team?

The simplest starting point is to pause and ask yourself:

Where might this person be right now? What might they need? What might be important to them?

And then either act on what comes up, or better yet, ask them directly.

We is always more powerful than Me.

I trust this has got you thinking, and has been helpful in some way, shape or form.

Until next week, be well and lead well!

Kylie