In 2018, I was lucky enough to travel from Australia to San Diego to hear Barack Obama speak at a work conference. It was after his time as the President of the United States of America, and he was sharing his insights on life and leadership. One of the things that he shared with the group was a mantra/concept that he and his wife Michelle used frequently before and during their time in office – “When they go low, we go high.”

Also referred to as taking the high road. You know that approach where you are composed, measured, and intentional in your response. Where you choose integrity over impulse, perspective over pettiness and solutions that will benefit others over your own Ego.

It sounds simple in theory, doesn’t it? And when you hear how a leader of great influence and power was able to use it—someone who played in an arena where ego is the norm—it’s undeniably inspiring.

But in practice, it is not always that easy.

When you have someone attacking you personally and potentially doing damage to your reputation, it can be difficult to bite your tongue.

When you have worked hard on a project, and your leader or a peer takes credit for it in front of your big bosses, it can feel disrespectful, infuriating and unfair.

Or when your ideas are shut down in a condescending way, it’s hard not to snap back or dive across the table – Or maybe that’s just what I am secretly tempted to do! (Don’t judge me)

Whatever the scenario, when you are personally criticised and disrespected and your values are tested, it can be tricky to “Go high” and take the “High Road.”

However, when you are a leader, it is important that you do because it:

• It will gain you respect

• It will make it easier to encourage better behaviour in your team when issues arise

• It will strengthen your credibility

Not to mention, it preserves your energy for the important things and keeps you in a job.

So, what are 3 things you can do?

1. Choose Response Over Reaction

Instead of reacting emotionally to difficult situations or negative behaviour, pause and respond with composure. I love the “Take a slow deep breath in through your nose for 4 seconds and then exhale slowly through your nose for 8 Seconds.

Some people suggest you exhale through your mouth, but that always seems a bit obvious to me – and in certain situations, it can even unintentionally trigger more negative reactions from others. The subtlety of nasal breathing keeps you grounded without signalling frustration or tension. It still activates your parasympathetic nervous system and prevents emotional hijacking.

2. Give people the benefit of the doubt

Assume positive intent when someone says something that is misguided, abrupt, or poorly worded. Instead of reacting defensively with “fighting lines” like “Are you serious right now?” or “What’s that supposed to mean?”, take a breath and respond with curiosity. My favourite is “Okay—tell me some more?” It lets them know I am intrigued and open to understanding their perspective.

3. Let It Go

If none of the above are doable—because sometimes they aren’t—let it go. Remove yourself from the situation rather than getting drawn into unnecessary conflict. A friend of mine calls this “clutch your pearls and remove yourself gracefully.” My favourite go-to line is, “I think I’m going to need some space to process this; let’s pick this up again ….”

I put dots here because the time and distance you need will vary with each situation. The key is to create enough breathing space (sometimes literally) to compose yourself, get curious and find a dignified way to carry on.

Lastly, do a Mel Robbins and just “Let Them.”Let them have their opinions, their reactions, and their judgments. You don’t need to prove yourself or win every battle.

And don’t forget to be kind to yourself when you are giving some of this a go. Give yourself grace; you don’t need to be perfect!

I’m sure Barack and Michelle had to build their “Go High Muscle” and still have to find ways to elevate it. I know I certainly am!

I trust this has been helpful in some way, shape or form.

Until next week, be well and lead well

Kylie