Have you ever received feedback and responded by doing the complete opposite? I have and sometimes still do.

In my early years of facilitating, I had another facilitator shadow me. The company I was working for flew her out to Australia from Vancouver to learn the content of the program I had designed for Area Managers.

As you can imagine, I really upped my game, wanting to impress her but also conscious that the company had invested a lot of money for her to attend.

I spent weeks making sure that I had the content right and that she would go back to Canada well versed in the concepts, practical tools and frameworks.

At the end of the program, we sat down to go over the content and her learnings and worked through any questions she had. I asked her for some “feed-forward” on my facilitation – what she thought I could do better.

Modelling what we had spent days covering, she asked me a question before she launched into her advice.

“There is one thing I think would be helpful, but before I suggest it, I want to ask you a question,” she said with genuine curiosity.

“What stops you from sharing stories about your time in the role?”

“Aaah, what do you mean specifically?” I replied.

Well, you spent years as an Area Manager and were successful at it. I’m wondering what is stopping you from sharing your stories and experiences. I believe the group wants to hear them; in fact, I know they do because last night at dinner, they told me.

“They told you that?” I asked surprised.

Yeah, they said, “ I expected’ Paatschy’ (my nickname at the company) to share more about what she’s done. We love the content and have learnt so much, but we want to know how she applied the content, how she came to understand it, what was easy for her, and what wasn’t. “

It took me a few minutes to reflect on it and articulate my response.

“Well, I would say I didn’t do it because I’ve had trainers and leaders in the past who only talked about themselves and didn’t involve the group. You know, the ones who make every story about their own experiences. The ones who ask a question but don’t really want an answer—because they’re too busy telling you their thoughts. The ones who seem to be delivering a monologue rather than having an actual conversation.”

“I steer away from it because I don’t want to make it about myself, I want it to be about the group and model what I’m encouraging them to do – Put their people before themselves.”

“And if I’m also honest, In the past, I’ve been given feedback that I like the sound of my own voice and opinions a bit too much.”

“Aaah the old pendulum swing,” my colleague said knowingly. “You’re doing the exact opposite of what you used to do.”

And she was right I was!

I’m sure you’ve been guilty of this, too. When we experience something that doesn’t sit well with us, our instinct is often to overcorrect.

This is what’s known as the pendulum effect—when we react so strongly to something we don’t like that, we swing too far in the opposite direction. It happens all the time in leadership. Research shows that new leaders often overcorrect to avoid the mistakes of their predecessors, sometimes creating new challenges in the process. If the previous leader was too controlling, the next might be overly hands-off, leaving teams without direction. If the last leader avoided conflict, the new one might overdo directness, unintentionally alienating people.

The same pattern shows up in parenting. Studies on parenting styles highlight how people often raise their children in direct opposition to their own upbringing. Those who grew up in highly disciplined households may reject structure altogether, opting for a lenient, child-led approach. Equally, those who experienced too much freedom might overcompensate by enforcing rigid rules and high expectations.

What I’ve come to learn is that making meaningful changes isn’t about swinging to the opposite extreme; it’s about balance and intention. Feedback (or in my case, feedforward) is valuable, but it’s not a directive to erase everything you were doing before. It’s about being purposeful with the changes you make.

When you go too far the other way, you stop providing part of what you originally had to offer—the things that were valuable. And as a leader, that means your people miss out—on insights, experiences, and a more well-rounded, effective approach.

It also means you miss out on sharing your brilliance, your stories and the things that have got you to where you are.

The key is to preserve what was working while improving what wasn’t.

I trust this has been helpful in some way, shape or form.

Until next week, be well and lead well

Kylie