Have you ever asked a question and been totally surprised by the answer you received?

About four years ago, when I was coaching a new leader called Heather, I asked her at the start of our session, “Tell me what your week has been like?”

I expected the usual responses like “busy,” “great,” or “a bit of a juggle,” but instead, she gave me a metaphor I’ve never forgotten.

“Kylie,” she said, “My week has been like treading water in the middle of the deepest part of a big lake. I’m kicking like mad just to stay up, but I keep slipping under. The shoreline’s full of people calling out advice—some of it helpful, some of it not—but no one’s throwing in a floaty, a rope to bring me in, or showing me how to start swimming. And as well as all the well-intentioned advice being given from the sidelines, I’ve got people cheering me on and telling me I’m doing a great job—my direct leader, one of the executives in our company, being one of them. But I know I’m not, because my team are out here in the lake with me, and their heads are bopping up and down too, barely able to keep afloat. I know they’re waiting for me to lead the way, but honestly, I have no idea where to start or what to do.”

While this was the first time I’d heard that particular metaphor, it wasn’t the first time I’d heard a leader describe feeling completely overwhelmed and unsure of how to support themselves—let alone their team.

It also wasn’t the first time I’d heard of a senior leader failing to provide the support, direction, and help a leader really needed—also known as the sink or swim approach.

The “sink or swim” mindset, which you might already be familiar with, is often seen as a way to test a leader’s resilience—can they handle the pressure, solve problems quickly, and prove they’re worth their title without much help?

It’s also used because that’s how their leaders were treated, not to mention that its regularly viewed as an onboarding approach that is quick and cheap.

It’s an approach that assumes mid level leaders or senior leaders in particular, should already know what to do. But just because someone’s experienced doesn’t mean throwing them in the deep end is wise.

Whether you’re a new team leader or a newly appointed executive, it’s still new. And stepping into something new, with high expectations and no support?

I think that it’s a recipe for stress, poor decisions, and burnout. Not to mention all of the on flow effects—disengagement, fractured team dynamics, and a drop in confidence that can take months to rebuild.

I’m sure you’d agree—it’s not a smart or sustainable way to set leaders (or their teams) up for success, nor the only way to build resilience.

In fact, data from the Institute of Executive Leadership Development (IED) shows that between 40% and 60% of leaders entering new organisations or promoted internally fail when subjected to “sink or swim” onboarding approaches.

So this week, I wanted to share a few practical things you can do—either to help yourself get out of the water if you feel like you’re treading it, or to support someone else who’s been thrown in.

If you’re the leader in the water—treading, bobbing, barely staying afloat:

• Speak up. Let someone know you’re in the deep end. You don’t need to have all the answers, but staying silent helps no one—not you, and not your team.
• Find your floaties. Look for the small things that help—one peer you trust, a tool or framework that brings some clarity, or a mentor or coach who can give you space to breathe and think.
• Prioritise the basics. Don’t try to fix everything. Focus on what gives you and your team stability—clear goals, meaningful conversations, and quick wins that build confidence and momentum.

If you’re the leader who’s unintentionally placed someone in the water—or inherited a culture that does:

• Make the time to observe and check in. Ask how they’re really going, and listen. Don’t assume silence means they’re fine. Even in the busiest, most under-resourced environments, there’s a way to show up.
• Throw them something. You don’t need a huge budget or hours of time. Offer one useful resource, one valuable connection, or one genuine conversation that could help them take a breath.
• Make things clearer. Don’t underestimate the power of clarity. Be specific about what matters most right now, what’s expected, and where they’ve got room to move. When everything feels like a priority, clear direction feels like a life raft.

Leadership will always have deep-water moments. But no one should be left to drown. Whether you’re the one in the lake or the one watching from the banks, small actions can make a big difference. You don’t have to overhaul the system. You just have to start by asking for help and/or showing up.

I trust this has got you thinking and has been helpful in some, way shape or form

Until next week, be well and lead well

Kylie