We’ve all had those not so pleasant moments where someone just comes right out and gives you feedback without warning.

You know the moments I’m talking about, the ones that blindside you and hit you right in the gut and sometimes the heart, leaving you shaken and scrambling for how to respond.

A few weeks ago, a client of mine sent me an SOS message to catch up. She had just attended her first Board Meeting, where she presented on the strategy for her division. In that meeting she was given some “unvarnished”feedback — direct, with no polish or softening.

Not only did it hit her in the gut, heart, and head, it hit her in the throat and her tear ducts. She was lost for words and very emotional.

Unfortunately, she’s not the first senior leader to feel this way, and she likely won’t be the last.

Her moment was a classic example of what happens the further you step into senior leadership. The higher up you go, most of the feedback you do receive tends to come from above — executives, boards, and key stakeholders. And it’s usually more direct, sometimes confronting, and rarely softened around the edges. It’s usually very different from the feedback you get from your own reports, which is more likely to be softened, less direct, and carefully shaped because people are worried about how it will land.

And that contrast can create a unique challenge if you’re not used to it, mainly because there’s this unspoken rule that once you step into senior leadership or any leadership, you’re expected to handle feedback with ease. To have “thick skin” and take it without flinching. But the truth is, no matter how experienced you are, when feedback lands unexpectedly and without empathy, it can still sting.

And it’s a tricky thing to navigate because how you handle feedback has a direct impact on your credibility and influence. If you react defensively, shut down, or dismiss what you’ve heard, people notice. It chips away at trust and can close off important conversations.

So, what do you do when feedback hits hard and you need to handle it?

Well, I like to navigate it in 3 stages – In the Moment, Soon After and Beyond.

Below are a couple of tips for you to consider.

In the Moment: Pause before reacting. Take a breath and resist the urge to argue, defend, or shut it down. A simple “Thanks for raising that, I wasn’t aware of it” buys you time and shows maturity. From there, ask for examples, not to counter, but to understand.

Soon After: Give yourself the space to sit with it. Notice your emotions — hurt, surprise, maybe even anger. They’re natural signals, but they aren’t truths. Separate the content from the delivery. Even if it wasn’t delivered well, there might still be something useful in the message. And test for patterns: have you heard this before, even subtly? Do your results or relationships suggest it could be true?

Beyond: Decide what’s useful. Not all feedback is equal. Keep what helps you grow and let go of what doesn’t align with your values or goals. Then take a small step — one action that shows you’re working on it. Momentum builds credibility. And if it makes sense, close the loop with the person: “I’ve been thinking about what you said and here’s what I’m trying.”

Feedback, as you know, is essential in leadership. And when you know how to handle it in the moment, soon after, and beyond, it doesn’t feel as overwhelming. Instead, it becomes something you can take on board and use to your advantage.

The leaders who get this right are the ones who stay respected, trusted, and open, even in the toughest rooms and conversations!

As always, I trust that this has been helpful in some way, shape or form.

Until next week, lead well and be well!

Kylie

PS – If your organisation or team needs help with delivering feedback, I’d love to help. I offer a practical and experiential 2 or 3-hour workshop that helps leaders at all levels deliver feedback that lands well and gets acted on.