As a leader, who are the people you can turn to when things aren’t going well?

Last week was R U OK? Day, an important day that reminds us to check in with the people around us, ask how they’re going and make space for conversations that might not otherwise happen.

Every year around R U OK? Day, I see some really useful advice being shared about how to start these conversations, what to look out for, what to ask and, importantly, how to listen.

Which I’m sure you would agree is a really good thing, particularly when so many people are struggling with their mental health or simply finding life difficult.

If you’ve been on LinkedIn or Social media over the past week, it’s highly likely you’ve seen advice encouraging team members, peers and especially leaders to check in with their people.

In fact, I have seen checklists for leaders scattered across many of the social platforms.

Knowing that R U OK? Day was approaching, I started pondering:

While we’re encouraging leaders to check in with their people, who’s checking in with them?

In my coaching work especially, I spend a lot of time talking with leaders about the things they’re finding difficult.

Sometimes it’s their own leader. Sometimes they’re struggling with a decision, questioning how they’ve handled something, dealing with a difficult relationship, feeling out of their depth in a new role, or simply under a lot of pressure.

And one of the things I’ve noticed over the years is that leaders don’t always know who to talk to about these things.

It’s not necessarily because they don’t have people around them.

It’s that leadership can change who you feel able to talk openly with.

There are things you can’t always share with the people you lead. There may be things you don’t feel comfortable discussing with your own leader. Sometimes the issue involves the very people you would normally turn to. And as you become more senior, you often need to be more considered about what you share, with whom and when.

So where do you take the things you’re struggling with?

When you don’t have someone you can talk openly with, it can be easy to get stuck in your own thinking.

You can end up going over the same thing again and again, questioning yourself, losing perspective or making decisions without anyone challenging your thinking.

Sometimes you don’t need someone to solve it.

You just need someone you trust enough to talk it through with.

Who are your people?

One of the things I encourage the leaders I work with to do is to make sure they have one or two people outside their direct reporting relationships they can talk openly with.

It might be a peer, a mentor, a coach, a former colleague or a friend.

And you don’t necessarily need the same person for everything.

What matters is having people you trust who can give you what you need at different times.

Someone you can talk openly with.

Someone you can say, “I’m struggling with this” or “I actually don’t know what to do here” without feeling like you need to have the answer.

Someone who will challenge your thinking.

Not someone who simply agrees with you, but someone who will ask a different question, offer another perspective or tell you when they think you might have something wrong.

Someone who knows you well enough to notice.

Someone who can tell when you’re not quite yourself and will actually ask how you’re going.

Of course, having those people around you doesn’t automatically mean you’ll talk to them.

Sometimes that takes courage.

So, as you continue to check in with the people you lead, make sure you have people around you who do the same for you.

And if you need them before they ask, I really encourage you to reach out.

Until next week, be well and lead well.

Kylie