When you are leading others, you are constantly learning. Learning about yourself and learning about others.

One of the things that I have learned in my almost three decades of leadership is that most of us, you, me and the people you work with, are walking around thinking we are not good enough. Many of us are constantly worried that we will be told that our performance is inadequate, that we are not quite what our company needs, or that simply the way we are is not enough.

Of course, we rarely express this, you don’t often hear people turn up to a meeting or a one-on-one conversation and say “Hey, I feel like I am an imposter here, I really don’t think I am cutting the mustard, and I am really concerned that you are going to take my job and my livelihood from me”

No, what we do instead is pretend that we are okay and have it all together. And we do this for several reasons.

It’s way too exposing to share our deepest fears, especially at work.

We don’t want to face these fears ourselves; we don’t want to fully feel it and open the flood gates, especially in front of our peers and leaders.

We like to believe we can handle it.

In addition to this, the environments we work in usually encourage us to pretend. Sure, some might be better than others, but across the board, that is generally not the case.

The 5 most common “Workplace Pretending” ways, or at least the five I seem to notice the most are:

1. Failing to Acknowledge Struggles – Leaders and colleagues avoid addressing challenges, making vulnerability feel unwelcome.
2. Performance over Well-being – Workplaces push for results at the expense of people’s well-being, signalling that struggles should be kept hidden.
3. Penalising Others for Their Honesty – Speaking up leads to judgment, exclusion, or missed opportunities, so people stay silent to protect themselves.
4. Toxic Positivity – There’s an unspoken expectation to maintain a positive attitude at all times, discouraging real conversations about difficulties.
5. Superficial Well-being Programs – Companies promote mental health initiatives while still rewarding overwork and burnout, making support feel like lip service.

I am sure there are a few more that you can add to the list, too!

I am also sure that you know that creating an environment where people feel like they have to pretend is not beneficial for anyone. It’s not great for you because it means you likely have a team that withholds problems, avoids difficult conversations, and operates out of fear rather than trust. It’s also not great for your people because they are likely in a constate state of anxiety and fear, which you and I both know means they are not able to be at their best.

It’s exhausting for everyone to be in an environment like this.

While you can’t control everything, like the superficial well-being programs and the cultural norms of your company, nor the limiting beliefs and personal mindsets of your people, you can influence and create an environment where less pretending and the “Fear of not being good enough” goes on.

Here are a few of my suggestions:

• Model openness – Be courageous and share your challenges and learning moments so others feel safe to do the same.
• Recognise and Reward Honesty – Thank people who do speak up and make sure they are not reprimanded for doing so.
• Create space for real conversations – Go beyond “How are you?” to “What’s on your mind?” and listen actively. One-on-ones are a great space to do this in.
• Prioritise well-being in action, not just words – Ensure workloads and expectations are manageable.

And while you are practicing some of these things on your people, be sure to apply some of them to yourself too because I’ve no doubt that some of the workplace pretending techniques your company uses are also likely several that you use on yourself!

Some of these practices will take courage, curiosity and commitment, but when you apply them and make space for them, the benefits will far outweigh the small amount of effort you need to put in.

I trust this has been helpful in some way, shape or form.

Until next week, be well and lead well

Kylie