Stephen was an experienced leader. In fact, he’d been in management roles for more than two decades and had been successful by most of the measures we tend to associate with success. He’d grown profits year on year, increased market share, built strong relationships with his customers and made a difference.

But after many years with the same organisation, things had started to change. The culture felt different. The pressure had increased. Nothing ever seemed to be good enough. An organisation that had once felt aligned with his values no longer did.

So, Stephen decided it was time for a change. He didn’t just change organisations; he changed industries, accepting a role leading a department of around 30 people for a large retailer.

And initially, he was impressed.

The organisation had a comprehensive three-month onboarding program. He learnt about its purpose, values, customers, people and ways of working. There were good systems and processes in place, and what he was experiencing seemed to match what the organisation said it stood for.

As part of his onboarding, Stephen spent time in another location. The leader there took an interest in him. She asked questions, was curious about him and his experience, and helped him understand the business and find his feet.

Stephen felt like he’d made a good move.

Then he moved into the department he would actually be leading.

His new leader sat down with him one-on-one. She was pleasant enough. She gave him clarity around what she expected, what needed attention and what needed to get done.

But as Stephen settled into the role, he began to realise that almost every interaction with his leader was about the work: what needed to happen, what wasn’t happening, what needed fixing and what result was expected.

She made assumptions about what he should already know and hadn’t really taken the time to know him, check in on how he was adjusting to a completely different industry or understand what he needed from her. Their relationship was largely transactional.

Now I’m sure you can imagine how easily this can happen.

Stephen’s leader was likely busy. She knew he was experienced and trusted that he could get on with the role, so she focused on the work that needed to be done.

Those sorts of conversations are part of leadership. We have work to get done, decisions to make, problems to solve and results to deliver.

The problem is when they become the predominant experience our people have.

Why does connection matter?

As leaders, we want more from our people than simply getting the work done.

We want our people to trust us. To be open and honest with us. To tell us what’s really going on. To speak up and contribute. To take ownership rather than simply comply. To get on board with where we’re going. To stay engaged.

Connection helps make those things possible.

If most of our interactions with our people are about tasks, deadlines, problems and results, there isn’t much room left for the relationship. And without that relationship, it becomes much harder to create the trust, openness, ownership, engagement and buy-in we’re looking for.

And sometimes, we can lose good people altogether.

Just three weeks after moving into his permanent department, Stephen resigned. The organisation had invested three months in onboarding him and lost an experienced, highly capable leader.

So what can you do?

If you find yourself slipping into this pattern, or you lead others who might be, the three elements from THE CONNECT EFFECT can be a useful place to start.

1. Know Them

Don’t just work through the KPIs, priorities and what needs to get done.

Take some time to find out what’s going on for them. What’s working? What’s not? What matters to them? What do they need from you? How do they work best?

Get curious about the person doing the work, not just the work they’re doing.

2. Show Them

Show your people that they matter through what you do.

Pay attention. Listen. Follow up on something they’ve told you. Check back in. Notice their effort and progress. Make time for the things that are important to them, not only the things that are important to you.

Sometimes it’s the smallest actions that show someone you’ve been listening and that you care.

3. Grow Them

Don’t make every conversation about giving direction or solving the problem.

Ask more questions. Coach rather than always tell. Give useful feedback. Challenge their thinking. Give them opportunities to build their capability, confidence and ownership.

Sometimes getting the work done means helping someone work out how to do it rather than giving them the answer.

A moment to reflect

So, I encourage you to take some time to think about the interactions you’ve had with your people over the past week or so.

Ask yourself: how many were mostly about a task, deadline, problem, decision or result? And how many helped you understand what was going on for your people, showed them they matter or helped them grow?

You don’t need to stop having transactional conversations but make sure they’re not the only conversations your people experience.

The work matters. So does the experience people have while doing it.

As always, I trust this has got you thinking and has been helpful in some way, shape or form.

Until next week, be well and lead well

Kylie